Awake

By Erica Hauser

I've been subsisting on only 4 or 5 hours of sleep each night, but I still feel so good every day, clearheaded and full of energy and cheer. There's a few reasons for this, of course, the main one being that I get to fully inhabit the life that I want. Following my natural rhythms as I move through my day, clearing the space to create and be free, easy, myself. Or as close to it as I can get, with the mind that I have and all the stuff that's in it.

Yes, I am starting to feel a bit glum about the approaching end of these two months, endings are always hard for me. But that's why I need to do these things, to get used to the changes and to look forward to what's next, which hopefully, is to continue working, wherever I am.

Can't find the cable that connects my camera and computer, but I've finished two more small paintings that I am very happy with, and working on another large oil. I've spearheaded a few 'art parties' in the barn, urging the interns to come down and paint stuff in their free time, and it feels good to provide them the space- not that it's my barn or anything, but to welcome & encourage anybody who wants to be creative, and to be around to help with materials or whatever.

On Tuesday I'm going to hang the work and have an art show. I'll scrub the paint off my knees and we'll have a grand time. I won't miss the mosquitoes but I will sure miss walking into that barn with a cup of coffee and starting my day, painting or thinking or talking to people who make me feel like I AM getting closer to understanding what some of this is all about and figuring out how to make life work better for myself. It occurs to me that this may all be fuzzy because of those 4 hours of sleep 16 hours ago, so I'll retire and aim for clarity in the morning. Today I was thinking about the last essay in a book I just finished rereading, so maybe I'll begin with that thought tomorrow.. or maybe there'll be something else.